Now, I’m an atheist. I don’t get holidays. Sure there are plenty of secular holidays for me to observe throughout the year like Independence Day, New Years, Thanksgiving (there’s dispute on that, but I view it as secular). But I don’t have a Christmas or Easter, a Hanukkah or Yom Kippur, a Ramadan or even a Lycaea. So I thought, what could I, an atheist movie nerd, observe as a holiday?
I put together a tentative list. The rules were quite simple: 1) the day/date had to be significant in the film. 2) The film had to be significant to me.
May the 4th is NOT included, as it’s based on a play on words, not an actual date. As much as I would like to include Star Wars…. it just doesn’t fit. Also, the anti-Empire nature of May the 4th clashes with the pro-Empire nature of Rex Manning Day.
March 24th – Breakfast Club Day
March 24th becomes a day of reflection. You come to the realisation, that despite your differences with the people around you, you’re all fighting the same battles internally, and you actually grow closer because of the differences. It’s a day for the promotion of peace, both personal peace and world peace.
Traditional meals: A Captain Crunch & Pixie Stix sandwich for breakfast; a bag of chips, chocolate cookies, three sandwiches, milk, a banana and an apple for lunch; Sushi for dinner; Vodka whenever
Traditional celebrations: Dancing around a library to a killer 80s soundtrack; Hashing things out, emotionally; Venturing out to get marijuana.
April 14th/15th – Askew
Askew is a 2 day affair of philosophical contemplations. You can discuss a wide range of topics, from the minutia of pop culture to expounding on your relationships with other people.
Traditional meals: Chocolate covered pretzels; Coke; Gatorade; lasagna; at least one meal must be eaten in a mall food court; Skip breakfast to play Sega.
Traditional celebrations: Skipping breakfast to play Sega; Crash a wake; Play hockey on a roof; go to the mall; watch a Dating Game rip-off; Going out on a schooner. Or a sailboat.
Traditional decorations: Magic Eye; poorly made signs written in shoe polish.
May 6th – Rex Manning Day
It’s a day commemorating the heroes who boldly took a stance against the man and said “DAMN THE MAN! SAVE THE EMPIRE!” Remember those who sacrificed their watches, their life savings, their art to stand up to corporate music stores.
Traditional meal: A shoplifter deep-fried in a vat of hot oil; special brownies.
Traditional celebrations: Taking off to Atlantic City (or Vegas, depending on what side of the Mississippi you’re on) to put everything one roll of the dice; AC/DC party session; late night block parties.
Traditional Songs: Say No More, Mon Amour by Rex Manning; I Don’t Want To Live Today by Ape Hangers; Crazy Life by Toad the Wet Sprocket; Til I Hear It From You by Gin Blossoms; If You Want Blood, You’ve Got It by AC/DC
May 28th – Dazed & Confused Day
This holiday marks seasonal change. It’s a time of change, moving from one era of our lives into another. We celebrate our accomplishments, and look forward to new challenges.
Traditional meals: Smoked or liquid lunch; Fried bacon; Top-Notch burgers (or similar drive-in burgers)
Traditional celebrations: Taking in a baseball game; Hazing rituals; Whack-a-mailbox; Pool/billiards; Party at the Moon Tower; Aerosmith concert.
June 5th – Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
A day of jubilation, relaxation and celebrating all that life has to offer. Take a day for yourself and your friends and family. The motto of the day is “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Traditional Meals: Ballpark hotdogs; Snooty french meals
Traditional celebrations: A parade featuring a city-wide dance/sing-along; Baseball game; Going to the top of a skyscraper; driving a fancy, expensive car
November 5th – 12th – Enchantment Under The Sea Week
A week-long event of true reflection of where we came from. As people. Both individually and collectively. A journey through our own personal histories and how everything that happens make us who we are today. And how thankful we are to be who and where we are, knowing that even the slightest changes could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe!
Traditional meals: Delicious diner food; Milk. Chocolate;
Traditional celebrations: Skateboarding through the town square; Zip-lining from the clock tower to the street below; A formal dance at the end of the week.
December 24th/25th – Nakatomi
Beginning at sundown on the 24th, lasting through sunrise on the 25th, Nakatomi is a day of remembrance and reverence for those who would fight to keep us safe.
Traditional meals: Watered down champagne; Twinkies; Swiss cheese; Nestle Crunch Bar
Traditional celebrations: Crawling through an air-duct; Walking around barefoot; Bungee jumping off a building; driving around in a limo
Traditional greeting: “A yippie-ki-yay motherfucker to you!”
So that’s it. The new holidays for all you movie nerds out there. This list isn’t comprehensive, there are plenty I missed and should be added. If you want to see a movie holiday added, let me know! (No Groundhog Day. That holiday already exists).